Marriage is like a Roller Coaster Ride

Marriage is like a Roller Coaster ride EmbracingAging.us

Remember you’re in this for the long haul.

Marriage is like a Roller Coaster Ride

Marriage is like a Roller Coaster Ride. Well, here’s how my husband and I have stayed on this Roller Coaster Ride of a marriage for nearly 27 years.  In the early years, there were children, 3 total. His mine and ours. 13 years later we had one more, a delightful boy, an unexpected looptyloop in the rollercoaster ride. Crazy but fun.

We made the decision that I would be a stay at home mom and he would work to support us. That was not the picnic we thought it would be. The long uphill climb on our Roller Coaster Ride.  It was a lot like being a single parent. He had to work two jobs most of the time to keep bills paid.

Couples need Date Nights

We were fortunate that we had grandparents in town to help give us a break once in a while so we could have an evening out together. That turned out to be really important because I look back and I see how date night refreshed us.  I highly recommend all married couples/partners, by all means, plan date nights. You deserve that special time alone together.

How I created more income

Later I decided that we could have more income if I opened our home and cared for more children. My poor exhausted husband could come home at 5:00 p.m. instead of rushing off to a second job. Starting the daycare helped but it wasn’t perfect.

Marriage is like a Roller Coaster ride EmbracingAging.us

I added a few more riders when I opened a home daycare.

The family home was now a business and the kids had to help with cleaning.  Helping also included playing the occasional game with daycare kids. My Daughter was in middle school at the time and begged me to give up the daycare.  She wanted me to herself and she wanted our home back to it’s more peaceful state. It was official I had added more riders to our already crazy Roller Coaster Ride.

There were a few problems

We had 2 small indoor dogs and my husband was a smoker. These situations made my job as a childcare provider an uphill battle. My Daughter begged me to give up the daycare.  She wanted me to herself and she wanted the home back to it’s more peaceful state. My two older high school aged boys really didn’t care because they were busy doing other after-school activities away from the house.

We had to give and take a lot.

I thought I had the right to expect my husband to quit smoking. Well, he never asked me to open our home as a daycare, it was after all my idea. He was a smoker when we met and when we married. He’s a smoker to this day. I’m not thrilled about it, I thought he’d outgrow it.  But it’s his journey and he has to decide for himself.

Now don’t get me wrong, he was considerate and smoked outside during business hours. But it was after all his house too and he smoked during evenings and weekends at his desk. But there was a lingering odor.   Long story short I realized the daycare business wasn’t the best fit for my family.

Everyone is ultimately on their own path

Marriage is like a Roller Coaster ride. EmbracingAging.us

Ultimately we are all on our own path. But we can help each other along the way.

Everyone married or not is on their own path.  All of us have our own journey to travel.  But as married couples and partners, it is important that we understand that some things on our journey have to be done by one’s own self. Like the decision to quit smoking or lose weight.  Yes we can support one another and yes we should negotiate, but when it came right down to it, we all had to compromise so that I could make an income to support our family. This is the craziest part of the Roller Coaster Ride where we just had to hold on and don’t let go.

There came a time when I was able to let the daycare go. I had made friends with families and their children. We made some great memories as well.  But we as a family was able to rearrange our boundaries for the time that I needed to help bring in extra income. We were closer and stronger as a family and we came through it just fine.

That’s been the nature of our marriage after all these years.  We’ve become good at the give and take in the circumstances of our lives that needed reordering.

The secret of staying married

For us, the secret of staying married longer has been the willingness to be flexible.  The willingness to let one have more than the other for a time. We weren’t willing to quit during difficult times, but we were willing to work together. Sometimes we had to put our hands in the air and ride it out. We made it to the other side and we’re fine.

Marriage is like a Roller Coaster ride. EmbracingAging.us

Like a knot in your shoelace, you can work it out

We come upon life situations that are like untieing a bad knot in shoelaces and you just have to sit there and work through it. Once you get things sorted out you come out on the other side relieved and grateful that you didn’t give up.

So I challenge you to stick it out. Not through an abusive relationship that’s something altogether unacceptable. We as couples and families can ride out the tough times together. So hold on to one another and don’t quit. You can do this.

That’s all for today friends.

Finally, this post may contain affiliate links. This means if you click on and happen to purchase one of the products links, I’ll receive some compensation which will support my addiction to all things coffee.

I hope you enjoyed this discussion. Please share your thoughts and, feel free to leave your comments and share this post with friends.

I’m Karen with EmbracingAging.us

Reminding you to Embrace Your Age

 

 

 

Graph image from EmbracingAging.us

Fairy-tale World Weight Loss vs. Real World Weight Loss

Fairy-tale world weight loss vs. Real world weight loss

In fairy-tale world weight loss, we would all like to get on the scale every morning and see it go down even if it’s only by a tenth of a pound. Everyone is setting their new years’ goals, figuring out hopes dreams and ambitions. Usually at the top of the list is weight loss.  However, in the real world, you most definitely will have your ups and downs.

Yo-yo diet? No. Not at all.  It’s a naturally occurring process of weight loss that is not a steady decline, but rather an ebb and flow of your body’s work to lose fat, manage fluids, retain muscle tone and balance hormones. There’s an awful lot going on in our bodies. Remembering this solid truth will keep you from losing your everloving mind ? as you go through the process of losing weight.

 

Graph image of Fairy-tale world weight loss from EmbracingAging.us

Fairy-tale world weight loss vs. Real world weight loss

Fluctuating weight doesn’t have to drive you crazy

Fluctuating weight becomes more erratic as we age. Our metabolism slows down and the motivation for exercise wanes.  Moving our becomes challenging due to arthritis, excess weight and other concerns. Naturally, this wreaks havoc on our effort and motivation to stick to a weight loss plan.

Positive self-talk

When you step on the scale, are you holding your breath thinking to yourself, “If I haven’t lost at least 3 lbs. I’m gonna be so frustrated.” Or do you look in the mirror and think if I just walked further, or ran longer.

Well hold up just a minute here and let me ask you this: Would you talk to your best friend or your loved ones the way you are talking to yourself?

I seriously doubt it. You would probably try to say something more encouraging like, “It’s alright, today is a new day.” Or “Don’t give up, your hard work will pay off soon.”

This is HUGE!

One of the most powerful tools you have is how you perceive your personal progress. This is huge so pay close attention. We all have the hormone called cortisol. It’s our stress hormone that slows weight loss when it’s too high. Think belly fat.  When we use negative self-talk and when we are excessively critical of ourselves what do you think that does to our cortisol levels? If you guessed raised them, then you scored bonus points. So it’s important to say to yourself,  “Yesterday’s walk was good, I’m looking forward to today’s walk.” instead of, ” I only walked ten minutes  yesterday.”

Weight loss is as much a mental discipline as it is physical.  You can make things better by changing your mind’s way of perceiving your efforts.  Any effort you make is progress, any step you take forward on your journey is an accomplishment. When your mind realizes how important positivity is your stress level lowers and weight loss doesn’t have to be a hard as some would have you believe.  If you are saying, “I have been on this plateau for weeks and I might not ever get off this plateau”. Your body here’s this conversation and believes this is true.

This brings us to progress reports

If you’re weighing every day because you can’t help yourself, then you will need to be extra patient.

Furthermore, go ahead and create a record/chart so you can see the natural ups and downs of your progress. Staying out of fairytale weight loss world is important when trying reach those goals.

Charting your progress will keep you in tune with what is working and what is holding you back. Remember to jot a note to yourself nudging you forward with gentle encouragement. “You got this.”

Baby steps lead to feet and feet lead to yards and yards lead to miles. So,  just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. Celebrate every single time you make a move forward toward your goals.

Finally, you should know that this post may contain affiliate links, which means that if you click on or purchase one of the products links I”ll receive some compensation which will support my addiction to all things coffee.

If you enjoyed this discussion and have ideas you’d like to share, feel free to leave your comments and share this post with friends.

I’m Karen with EmbracingAging.us

Reminding you to embrace your age

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It’s Not a Destination, It’s a Journey

Have you ever said to yourself, “When I get ______ (insert condition ), I’ll be…

  • Happier
  • Healthier
  • Smarter
  • Kinder
  • Fit

We are all on a journey striving to reach contentment. It’s not unusual to fall into the mindset that,” I’ll be happy when I achieve _____” (billionaire status lol.)  Let me be the one to really hammer this home. It’s a journey.

Karen's before weight loss surgery picture. Embracing Aging

This is me at about 380 lbs just about one month before I had weight loss surgery.

Karen and her husband and daughter on the day of her daughter's graduation.

My husband, daughter and I on the day of my daughter’s high school graduation. I was miserable.

Flashback 10 years ago, I weighed 380 pounds. I was well on my way to a myriad of health problems.  Health problems that will kill a person. Thus the name Morbid Obesity. I tried all kinds of diets and wasn’t able to get a grip on my eating habits or manage a regular exercise regime.

Throwing up my white flag, weight loss surgery was my best option. After careful consideration, I decided the roux en y gastric by-pass was the way to go. The surgeon creates a new stomach pouch. About the size of an egg. The pouch connected to the middle part of the small intestine bypassing the rest of the stomach and the upper part of the small intestine.

Taking Back My Life

Spending most of my thirties being Morbidly Obese, I needed to add back the quality of life for my remaining years. I wasn’t growing older gracefully and certainly wasn’t embracing my age.  Since I made the decision to have this surgery in 2007, I’m not over 400 pounds nor am I 6ft. buried underground.  5 years after wls (weight loss surgery) I stopped losing weight primarily because I didn’t want my skin to get any looser.

Do Whatever It Takes To Stay Motivated On Your Journey

Realizing that I had become complacent, my daughter gave me an opportunity to do better.  In 2016 my beautiful adult daughter was working out at the YMCA.  I understood the road she was traveling. We went to the gym and I supported her effort to lose weight and get fit.

Ugh.  It was awful.   But I kept going. What I hated, was the 5 a.m. schedule she had to adhere to because she’s a 3rd-grade teacher and had to commute one hour one way to her job. I was tired! (Imagine how she felt)  So I’d go back home and I’d nap while my amazing daughter would go to school and teach, she set the bar high for me.

Soon, I found out that I was wickedly out of shape in spite of losing just over 150 1bs. Over the course of the year, I learned more about nutrition (I had learned a lot through wls), the different kinds of protein, delayed onset muscle soreness aka the D.O.M.S., optimal times to do strength training, and cardio. I was getting quite the education. My daughter may be the teacher, but I was getting schooled!

This journey is an experience of a lifetime

Helping my daughter in her classroom

Embrace Each And Every Success No Matter How Small  

Today I’m just 3 weeks shy of my 10 year anniversary of weight loss surgery.  I’m Continue reading